1. The Roads. For some reason cheese seems to have been selected as a principal ingredient when the roads in Malta were being laid. There can be no other explanation for the holes and cracks all over them.
2. Democracy. The vast majority of the population vote according to favours done by some local politico for a distant relative back in the 1950’s. And they ain’t switching sides now.
3. Customer Service. TV & internet providers, banks, government offices, transport companies… Don’t bother emailing these places, just attach a hand-written note to the leg of a nearby pigeon and send it off on its way. You will have just as good a chance of getting a satisfactory response. It’s not just the big companies either – try booking an appointment for the dentist, hairdresser, driving school, dog minder and just about any other service provider you care to mention, and you will also experience the frustration of the terminally ignored. Okay small business owner, it’s great that you’ve set up that facebook page, now stop posting photographs of adorable kittens and answer my £*&%ing email please!
4. Buses. Custom built to power along broad avenues, and thus spectacularly ill-suited for the convoluted, skinny roads of Malta. Bus drivers have the most difficult job in Malta. And oh yeah, those buses? There quite blatantly aren’t enough of them on a lot of routes, especially when the population doubles during the summer months.
5. About 6% of the Population. Which is actually pretty good, given the state of the global economy these past few years.
6. Factor 10 Sunscreen on Irish skin. July & August sun in Malta just lasers through that stuff.
7. Insulation. Houses here are built for summer. In winter time, invest in some heavy blankets and a gas heater. Or else move to the UK where central heating is less of a rarity.
8. Driving Etiquette. Feel the urgent need of a six pack of beer or a pastizzi? The best idea is to just stop your car in the middle of this narrow street and stroll into the nearest mini-market. Who can be bothered searching for a parking spot where you might have to walk for more than 2 minutes? And nowhere else in the world have I seen such a proliferation of rear-endings as here in Malta. Every journey seems to be elongated due to a couple of dopes bumping into each other for no good reason, and backing up traffic for miles as they wait for traffic cops to come and inspect the damage.
9. Local TV. Incessant talking heads with little to say. I don’t speak Maltese, which I am reliably informed is to my considerable advantage when it comes to local television shows.
10. The Shower in My Apartment. It’s like being weed on by an incontinent puppy.
But hey, it’s still a great place! (Malta, I mean, not my apartment).
Share this:
hahahaha awesome.
Regarding point 3: forget about e-mail, call instead. Works wonders most of the time. I’ve called government offices, Melita, dentists, hospitals, everything works pretty well by phone. Just forget about e-mail.
Yep I think you’re probably right about that.
Hi – just something I stumbled on accidentally this past winter (in Ireland). Our old electric blanket was too small for our bed, so we replaced it. I put the old electric blanket under the sofa slipcover, as a convenient place to store it, instead of figuring out how to throw it away or fold it up and take up half the linen closet. It turned out to be the best lazy moment of my life. Whenever I was home in the evening, I just turned the blanket on low, and curled up on the sofa with a book or movie. Toasty warm, all winter long, no other heat required.