Sure, Malta is a beautiful little island, crammed with history, owning a unique cultural identity and boasting more sunshine that anywhere else on the continent.
That goes without saying.
But nowhere is perfect, and there are some things that visitors to the island would be well-advised to avoid. Here are a few of those tourist traps in Malta that you don’t want to have to deal with:
Comino:
Let’s start with a controversial one, as Comino is widely regarded as one of the jewels in the Maltese crown. It is a tiny (virtually) uninhabited island featuring the enticeingly named ‘Blue Lagoon’ – so what’s the problem? Well friend, the problem is that in the peak summer months you and about 5,000 other people think that this will be the perfect spot to visit for the day. The place gets absolutely rammed with people; there is no beach to speak of so you are perched on whatever piece of scrub-land you can get to before those noisy Italian teenagers set up camp; there is no shade (unless you pay for it) and the only food on offer is greasy fried food out of burger vans. Yes it’s a nice place to visit, but maybe wait until the summer silly season is over.
Buses:
Hard to avoid, even harder to love. The antiquated yellow bus fleet has long since been replaced by a more modern and air conditioned variety. While this certainly makes travel more comfortable than in the past, you lose something in the novelty value of the old buses. And however modern the bus, they cannot solve the problem of the horrendous traffic snarl-ups which strangle the life out of the island. So prepare to stand for an hour or more in swelteringly crowded buses for journeys of distances which would take about 10 minutes to cover in your home country.
Hop On, Hop Off Buses:
While we’re on the subject… Yes I know that these open top tourist buses are usually a great way to see a new city, and to get your bearings. I’ve taken them myself in lots of different places. But here in Malta they fall victim to the same traffic gridlocks which confound every other road user. More than that, the routes are too long anyway, and generally incorporate a lot of serious underwhelming inland scenery. My suggestion? Go on a water cruise instead, the views are better and it’s a lot more enjoyable.
Popeye Village:
Hey, would you like to visit the set of a flop musical from 1980 based on an antiquated pre-war cartoon?
No!? Me neither!
Let’s not go together!
Where’s me Spinach! Ag-ug–ug–ug–ug–ug! (et cetera)
“Italian who went to Malta” tea-towels:
Yep, so Italians who speak English sometimes elongate the wrong vowels and pronounce certain words in an unusual manner. Still not humorous enough to justify the frankly incredible quantity of these things which have been produced, (you can include teashirts, aprons and coasters into the mix as well). And although I’m not Italian myself, I am guessing that the visitors from one of Malta’s largest tourist markets are not hugely entertained by these particular souvenirs either.
Timeshare sellers:
Particularly prevalent in Bugibba, as this is where a lot of British ladies and gentleman of a certain age choose to base themselves while in Malta. These teeth-baring salespeople are masters of the easy banter, picking out prey instinctively (I may as well be invisible when I walk past, not being of the target demographic) and charming the unsuspecting into parting with hard-earned savings for 2 weeks in Msida once a year every February. It’s pretty simple: if time-shares were really that great they would not require fast-talking, pushy salespeople to sell the things.
Paceville:
Okay if you’re aged from about fifteen to twenty-five ignore this warning and go out and have fun. For everybody else, there are better places you can be. Paceville is where sleaze lives in Malta, among the vomit puddles and the alcoves on the streets which always smell of urine. Cheap watered-down shots in nightclubs, expensive watered-down beer in strip-clubs, fights and stolen mobiles. Not my idea of a good night out, but then I’m pretty past it so you don’t have to pay any attention to me.
Honey Rings:
I imagine that if I had a Maltese grandmother, these are the kind of desserts she would serve. And the imaginary Maltese kid version of me would always be disappointed that we couldn’t just get chocolate or ice-cream or something good instead. Variations of these are known as either ‘cordina‘ or (unpronounceably) ‘Qaghaq ta’ l-Ghasel‘, and are made of marmalade and orange peel and honey and treacle and all sorts of other stodgily sweet gunk, and I wouldn’t bother with them if I were you.
Don’t agree with the list? Let us know what should be added or subtracted by commenting below.
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So far we have only visited in april in the past 3 years so have yet to enjoy a summer in Malta. We hope to retire there in a few years time. So all your info is very helpful.
You are very welcome. This has been a particularly hot summer over here, so maybe you are better off having missed it.
Hey, I completely agree with how busy Comino gets. It has a small little patch of sand and you literally couldn’t squeeze one more deck chair onto it, so crowded is an understatement when it comes to the shoreline, but the sea doesn’t feel so crowded, especially if you swim out just a few feet or so from the shore and is magically under the water for my fellow snorkelers in arms.
Comino is however one of the most beautiful spots I have ever swam in and what we did when we visited was hire our own boat from Blue Waves Water sports hire. This is a great option and in my opinion the best way to see Comino and the Blue Lagoon during peak Summer (although a little pricey) as you pull up literally a meter or two from the blue lagoon, anchor up, get out, explore, swim, snorkel and then when you want to have a sit down or get out of the sun you can retreat back to your boat.
In relation to Popeye Village, I have to respectfully completely disagree.
The village is ever so quaint and full of charm and visitors will get some of their very best holiday snaps whilst here in Sweethaven Village.
It is great value for money, you get entry to the park all day, a free/included boat trip around the cove which was surprisingly good fun, a glass or punch (or non alcoholic for children) a post card, crazy golf, a soft play area for children (again all included in entry). If you have kids (or like myself are a big kid!) you HAVE to visit Popeye Village I was so surprised by how much fun we had and there was not a kid there that didn’t have a huge grin ear to ear.
They play music and you can enjoy a swim or snorkel in anchor bay/cove, or sit on one of the many sun loungers with a slush puppy or Ice cream in hand and soak up the super fun atmosphere.
Unlike any park/ attraction in the UK I was amazed and pleasantly surprised by how much was included in the entry price. They don’t sting you once inside and you barely have to reach into your pocket (only if you want a souvenir from the shop or something to eat or drink which is fair enough).
They even shoot a “take 2” movie which you can be a part of if you wanted a get a copy on DVD for a very reasonable 7 euro but of course this is entirely optional.
I really did love Popeye Village and was amazed by how much fun we had and the fact it really does fill a whole day. From my experience most people who knock it haven’t actually been and when they do then visit are surprised and realise there is much more to this place than meets the eye. It really is one of a kind. I have a great snap of myself with Olive Oyl on the roof of one of the buildings (one of the buildings has a walkway you can literally climb to the roof and the view is spectacular).
Love the blog as always though and everyone is entitled to have different opinions of course 🙂
Scott.
Comino is beautiful alright, so yes hiring a boat sounds like a great way to spend some time there, although outside the budget of a lot of people I fear.
As for Popeye Village, you can include me on the list as one of those people who is negative about the places without having been there (although Daniela has, and she suggested that I include it on this list). Your description certainly makes it sound like a good day out, and I always advise people to try places out for themselves whenever they can.
Either way your argument was certainly more compelling than mine, so you win this round!
Thanks David for hearing my opinions and not rejecting them/ being put out 🙂
Aye, The boat hire is a bit pricey, there’s no getting away from that, but I went with a friend. We hired a boat for two and paid half each, so if you half the cost with somebody it does make it more affordable. All in, including hiring the boat for 6 hours and the fuel it came to 70 euros each and was a real highlight of our stay so I would highly recommend it.
Thanks again 🙂
Scott.
Hello, I do agree with Scott about the popeye village. I had préjudices like you David about it not being a big fan of plastic automaton, but we actually had a very fun Time there with my family. Our 3 y son was very excited and laughing all the time with the people who made the show. The staff was very friendly. He was fond of the toys rooms. It surely is a Nice day out for families. So I can only recommend to go there if you want to change from the rocky crowded beaches of St julians / Sliema bays.