Where is the Real Maltese Falcon?

ahhhh..  No they didn’t.  Because there was no golden falcon, bejewelled or otherwise.  You see ‘The Maltese Falcon’ by Dashiell Hammett is what we call “a story”. It’s based on some sort of reality though, except apparently the tribute was in the form of a live bird, payable annually, basically in lieu of rent for the islands of Malta.  This is considerably cheaper than the rent now being paid for pokey apartments in Gzira, even allowing for inflation.

Kasper Gutman: I couldn’t be fonder of you if you were my own son. But, well, if you lose a son, it’s possible to get another. There’s only one Maltese Falcon. 

Bogart gets his hands on a bird

Except there isn’t.  The movie is real though.  And indeed it is one of the all-time great movies featuring a nationality adjective in the title, sitting proudly alongside ‘The Italian Job’ and ‘The French Connection’.  In my view, it’s one of the all-time great movies full stop, so I reckon you’re better off introducing a friend to the joys of Sam Spade and company than lumbering them with an imitation of a fictional item.

But if you insist, then I’ll tell you where you can get a bird…

Sam Spade: If you kill me, how are you gonna get the bird? And if I know you can’t afford to kill me, how are you gonna scare me into giving it to you? 

…I’ll still tell you where to get one.   Funnily enough they’re not as widely available as you may suppose, but there is a shop called ‘The Maltese Falcon’ in Mdina, so pop yourself along there if you insist.  But watch the movie either way.